Not just the parts I want to...

No Sacrifice
By Jason Upton
Album: Faith

To You I give my life
Not just the parts I want to
To You I sacrifice
These dreams that I hold onto

Chorus:
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice, here’s my life

To You I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures
That You designed for free

Your thoughts are HIGHER than mine
Your words are DEEPER than mine
Your love is STRONGER than mine
This is no sacrifice, HERE’S MY LIFE

 This song gets to me EVERY time!  I cannot listen to this song without tears and a heart check. These words force me come to terms with the areas where I'm not totally trusting God.  Perhaps it's the "sacrificing the dreams that I hold onto".  It's so hard to lay those things down because sacrificing doesn't  mean we are going to see whatever it is we're dreaming of come to pass.  I wish it did...but then it wouldn't be sacrificing, would it?  I realize that when it comes to sacrificing these desires that the fear that I have is actually the fear of the pain that I will experience from disengaging from that "thing".  Yet, His thoughts are HIGHER, His words are DEEPER, His love is STRONGER.  All of these things are to fill that "void", that empty space, where those things are that God wants us to give to him.  

I've always had a really hard time being content. Instead of focusing on what I have been blessed with I find myself looking around and seeing those who "have what I want" and wondering why they have it and why I don't.  Stupid, I know.  This has been something God has really been teaching me over the past few years...choosing to be content and choosing joy. I hit a rock bottom before my pregnancy with Josiah.  I always wanted to be a wife and a mom.  I felt like an "old maid" getting married at 29 (old by church standards...I should have already been married and had at least 4 kids by then).  I felt even older not having a child while in my twenties.  Nate & I had been married for 4 1/2 years and I was seeing "everyone" around me having children...something I so desperately wanted and felt I was "made for".  A lot of people assumed we were having "problems" conceiving which wasn't the case.  It came to the point where when our friends were announcing their pregnancies and I couldn't even find happiness for them because I was so focused on MY desire. Needless to say this was NOT good for our marriage.  I think back to that point in time and I'm so embarrassed....really embarrassed.  All I can say is I'm thankful for a husband that vowed to love me for better or worse, friends that exhibited grace and a God that loved me so much that He didn't let me continue in my selfish way of destruction.  After God dealt with that part of my humanity we were blessed with Josiah.  Josiah was worth every moment of time I had to wait...wow!  Of course, Nate was worth the wait too...at the old age of 29.  (I laugh at that now.) 

Do I still struggle with discontentment?  Heck yes!!!  There are times I am "choosing" joy and happiness in the moment.  The difference is that this time I really am happy for people and what God has blessed them with.  My emotions may get in the way but I know they will eventually come around because now I am giving God all the parts...not just the parts I want to.

Happy 2nd Birthday Josiah!

I cannot believe "my baby" is two years old.  People told me that the time would go fast...I just didn't realize how fast.  I have this little boy now who is just that, a boy!  He's talking pretty clearly putting 3 and 4 words together regularly, he's got a definite opinion on things, and it feels great to be his hero. 

Josiah received the book "Love You Forever" from a good friend for his birthday.  I LOVE this book and have read it in the past, yet I didn't have it in our collection.  If you are a parent, especially if you're a mother and have a son, I really urge you to read this.  You will need to make sure you have a Kleenex near...you will cry.  I am trying to cherish every moment I have with him....cuddling before bedtime, telling him I love him, stopping what I am doing to sit on the floor to play.  I love being a mom! I really think that this book was for me more than him.

On Josiah's actual birthday we spent the morning at Baby Boot Camp (I needed work off all the cake I was about to consume).  We had a playdate with a few of his special friends and then went to dinner at Chuck E. Cheese with Nate's cousin Brian and his family.  Brian's daughter, Hailey, was also born the same day as Josiah.  Actually, Hailey & Josiah were born on their Great Grandma Herboth's birthday....really cool.

Driving....he's watching the road.

Helping dad play basketball.

 Birthday garb.

 Happy 2nd Birthday Josiah & Hailey!

Diggin' in!

 

Haliey is much cleaner in her approach.

We had a family party on Saturday (the day after his birthday) at Musical Beginnings, a music school, near where we live.  Josiah LOVES music, especially drums and guitars.  He will take my hair brush and call it a guitar and "play" it.  It is not uncommon to find him in our living room playing his drums singing a real song.  Hence the reason for having his party be centered around music.  The teacher had an hour session with the kids that was similar to a Kindermusik class, which is taught at the school.

 Dancing!

Rhythm sticks.

Drum time...his FAVORITE time!

Miss Kellie, the music teacher.

After the musical fun we celebrated with snacks, a Yo Gabba Gabba cake, and presents.  Josiah's favorite show is Yo Gabba Gabba so we had to weave that in there somewhere.

Yum!

Thanks everyone for making Josiah's 2nd Birthday so special!

The Pumpkin Patch

Josiah & I joined our fellow Baby Boot Camp friends for a day at the pumpkin patch.  We headed to Sauvie Island and went to Kruger's Farm.  I had not been to this pumpkin patch before as we usually go to the other one on Sauvie Island, "The Pumpkin Patch", or to Fir Point in Canby.  Well, I would have to say that Kruger's Farm had the most "interesting" patch I'd ever seen....not in a good way.  The hayride was shut down and when we made it out to the pumpkin patch it was full of green pumpkins and vines, vines and more vines everywhere. (It made for some good photos.) We decided to take a few photos and head over to the other pumpkin patch as a group.

 Trying to get the kiddos together for a shot.

Mamas & Bambinos

Josiah & his buddy Bear.

 Roaming

 (Notice the orange and green pumpkins.)

As soon as we pulled into the other parking lot of "The Pumpkin Patch" it was like night and day.  It was full of people and thriving.  The hayrides were going, the cow train was roaming around, the animals were awake and the pumpkins were orange!  Josiah loved the hayride...we made sure positioned ourselves right behind the tractor.

Checking out the cows.

Hay ride time.

Cow Train

Mommy & Siah

Orange Pumpkins!

We still need to get to Fir Point before next weekend...it was Josiah's first "big" outing at 12 days old.

Uggs

On my wishlist: Uggs!

I have been wanting these boots f-o-r-e-v-er! I have started saving money (at a snails pace) to purchase these. I have my "fake" boots which have held up, but let's face it, they are NOT the real deal. I even walked into the Nordstrom shoe section today just to look at them again. Yeah, the chocolate brown ones that I can roll down...those are the ones. :-)

Here's to winning!!